I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
