No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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