I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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