Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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