I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
