He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
