Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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