if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize