she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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