but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
