i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
