New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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