Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
