You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
