The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
