So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
