God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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