new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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