I skipped work to stalk him.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
