He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
