they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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