If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
