If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
