So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
