UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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