I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
