i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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