I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
