you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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