4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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