I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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