So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
