ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
