Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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