1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
