WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
