One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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