he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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