it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
