What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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