You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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