420 ftw
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is Oprah even human
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
