You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
