I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
