Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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