That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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