i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
