ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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