the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
