Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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