Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
