Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
