i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
