I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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