Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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