i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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