the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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