Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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