he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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