Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
3 2 1 whiskey
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
