I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.