she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs