I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
