just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
