I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...