I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
