a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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