I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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