As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
