I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
