adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
