uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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