She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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