I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
