No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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