You're my little dorito
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
